What does it mean to be good enough? If I say that I don't feel that I'm good enough for too much of anything, does that mean that I am rejecting myself? Where do these thoughts even come from?
Self-rejection is a real thing. It is simply the process of not accepting yourself. Yep! That's my definition. Well said, right?
To say that you are not good enough is to say that there is something wrong with you and it is so wrong that you it renders you useless. You are incompetent, unable, and good for nothing. Frankly speaking, that sounds like someone who is in the process of not accepting who they are. This is self-rejection.
These thoughts can come from a variety of thoughts, words spoken, situations, or even a mixture of all of the above. When you locate the origin, sometimes the pain is unbearable because a lot of times we attempt to push things that hurt under the rug into our subconscious mind so that we do not have to deal with it. This subconscious living eats away at us from the root to the surface.
I liken it to looking at an ant farm. When you look at the ant farm, what you see brings your thoughts to life and even extends your knowledge as you behold everything that is happening beneath the surface of what you can see. The glass doesn't hold a reflection but it does allow you to see what is inside. The closer you look the more you can see the work that is going on similar to what happens when we open the door to the closet we hid all of our hurts and shames.
As we open the closet door, we see a mess and sometimes it is an organized mess. As we get closer, our senses open up and we can now hear the sounds where we wore the garment. We can smell how it smelled the day it happened. It forms as a trigger and we fold under the pressure. Stop!
Because this is so real to us, this is a place that is far deeper than a mere rejection. For some of us, this is a place of abuse, rape, molestation, abandonment, and maybe more. It is a place that you may not be able to stand alone. You may need counseling to finally deal with the contents of this closet.
For those of you that say this is not that deep for me, I will ask you to journal where you are. Locate the origin and begin to deal with the hurts and pains that cause you to tell yourself that you are not accepted not even by you.
When we tell ourselves that we don't measure up to our standards on a constant basis, we reject the progress that we are making. We tell ourselves that we are always beneath the board. That is cruelty to self. How much of that do you think you can take? Who told you that you were not good enough? Why did you believe it?
Start there. On paper, begin to write the words that were said. Write down how the words made you feel and why you followed along with it. Now, look in the mirror and write down what you see. Do you see the beauty inside and out or do you only see the words that were spoken? Ball up the paper. Throw it away!
Now, begin to write who you really are. Tell the story of the amazing person that you are. If this exercise brought you to a place that you feel like you cannot recover, I will ask you to seek help. Everyone's situation is not the same. Your place of self-rejection may be attached to hours, days, months, or years of abuse. You need someone to guide you along the way.
No matter what, take time each day to encourage yourself. I used to read Psalms, Proverbs, and John 14 and 15. It reminds me of Gods love, protection, desire to fill me with wisdom, and His promise that He will not leave me alone. He's such a great Father and I lean on Him when my strength gives out.
I'd like to pray with you no matter what your situation is. Father, You said that we are fearfully and wonderfully made. You see how we have torn ourselves down and You are right here to build us up. Father, we allow You to come in our hearts and heal us. As You heal us, replace self-rejection with self-love, self-respect, and self-care. We ask these things in Jesus' name declaring it is so now. Amen.
The Family Made Mom Podcast - Am I Good Enough?